


We were trying, but we’re trying no more

by madveta



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Break Up, F/F, Heavy Angst, Sorry Not Sorry, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:07:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29940111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madveta/pseuds/madveta
Summary: Sometimes you just can’t fix things.
Relationships: Lin Beifong/Kya II
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	We were trying, but we’re trying no more

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song Paint by The Paper Kites
> 
> I imagine this being younger kyalin, where they’re in their early thirties and Lin is still far from the age of retirement.
> 
> I’m sorry for this I was in angst mode.

“Lin.”

Lin decided to finally look up at Kya, who had showed up to the door of their apartment 10 minutes prior. Not a word had been exchanged between them since then. They had taken their usual respective spots on the couch. It hurt Lin deeply, knowing that if that had been any other night, they would have been sitting in the exact same way, but would probably be sharing a comfortable silence, reading a book and stealing a kiss from each other every once in a while.

The atmosphere was more tense than it had ever been between them. They weren’t the type of couple that fought a lot. They bickered, sure, and even had a few relatively serious fights in the past few years of their relationship, but, mainly thanks to Kya ( _ Always thanks to Kya _ , Lin thought bitterly) there was always a good amount of communication involved, and they made a promise to never hold grudges against each other. Their lives were unpredictable, and it was after a particularly horrific nightmare that Kya had made Lin promise that they would never go to sleep while being angry at each other. Of course Lin had agreed, she could barely imagine being angry enough at Kya to not agree.

She could now. 

While she looked into Kya’s eyes, eyes that had been her biggest source of comfort for such a long time that Lin now found it hard to search for anything other than that in them, she saw regret, and a silent plea. She looked away. 

“Lin, I know I made a mistake by leaving after our fight but we need to have a conversation. We can’t work on this if we don’t.”

She couldn’t help but let out a bitter chuckle.  _ Always the diplomat. _ While that was probably what Lin admired most about Kya, right in this moment, Kya didn’t seem to notice it wasn’t what she needed. She didn’t want diplomacy, she wanted, she  _ needed _ , an apology and most of all she wanted reassurance of some kind.

_ I still love you. _

_ I won’t leave you, I will stay by your side. _

_ This won’t change anything between us. _

_ You and I deserve to be together. _

None of that came out of Kya’s mouth. Lin felt her stomach drop.

She shot off the couch and started anxiously pacing the living room floor.

“Lin. Answer me, please. I need to know what you’re thinking.”

Hurt feelings boiled to the surface, coming out of her mouth in harsh words full of venom that she spit at her lover’s face.

“Or what ? You’re going to leave me again ? Help yourself, I have a feeling you’d been thinking about it for a while.”

Lin had only said that in hope to get a reaction out of Kya. What she hadn’t anticipated was for Kya to lower her eyes, settling them on the hands anxiously fiddling with her dress, her features overflowing with guilt.

Lin wasn’t able to contain her tears this time. The dam had been broken in one sharp and unforgiving hit, and Lin brought her left hand over her mouth in an attempt to silence a wretched sob.

She perceived Kya’s body starting to shake with repressed tears as well, and felt something tug at her chest, pushing her to go comfort her girlfriend. That’s what she always did when Kya cried, and Lin now noticed it had become an instinct for her to try and protect Kya from any kind of harm.

She forgot to protect herself in the process, apparently.

“Lin, I-”

Lin couldn’t help but cut her off. She had a lot of things she wanted to get off her chest before Kya left her again.

_ Or maybe you just want to delay the inevitable _ , a small voice at the back of her mind said. She chose to ignore it.

“Please tell me this isn’t true. Tell me this is a nightmare and I’m going to wake up in your arms, in our bed, and you’ll be there to tell me everything will be okay. Tell me I didn’t spend the past six years trying desperately to make this work just for it all to come crashing down because of something you were well aware of when we started dating.” She took a deep breath. When she started speaking again, she wasn’t quite shouting, but her voice was raised in a way that she’d never used when talking to Kya before. “Tell me you’re not actually using my deepest insecurity to break up with me, Kya. Remember our conversation, the one we had the day we decided this wasn’t just a fling ? I remember you very clearly saying ‘Lin, I care about you too much to renounce being with you, no matter the reasons.’ Do you know why I remember it so clearly ? Because it was the first time in my life where someone told me they were actually willing to make sacrifices to be with me. No one had ever done that for me. No one. Everyone expected sacrifices on my part, but they never cared enough to make some for me. You were the first to do so. I remember immediately realizing that you were the person I was meant to be with. Apparently I was wrong. Was this all a lie ? Please, tell me if you knew from the beginning this was how it was going to end ? I really thought-”

Kya’s sobs finally cut her off, as they had become louder even than her angry and heartbroken shouts.

“Lin, please stop.”

She felt out of breath and dizzy. She needed to sit down. She walked towards the chair next to the couch, not feeling like sitting this close to Kya right at the moment. That caused Kya to let out a pained whimper.

“Lin, I don’t really know how to say this… I don’t want to leave you. Trust me, I don’t but…” She inhaled deeply, laying her head on the back of the couch, certainly due to the crushing headache that followed her crying. “I’m sure you remember that we also had a conversation at the beginning of our relationship where we discussed the sacrifices we were both going to have to make in order for this to work. You warned me that your job took a huge place in your life, that this had more often than not driven people away from you, and I said I was okay with that, as long as you, on the other hand, were willing to make some space for me. You promised me you were going to.”

“And I did.” Lin insisted.

“For a long while, you did, yes. But this past year and a half, Lin ? Even you know it’s been a complete nightmare for us. I started counting down when it had been approximately four months since we’d gone out on a date together. I could sense you were slipping into your old habits, probably because you’d gotten comfortable enough in our relationship to let darker aspects take over sometimes without fearing the consequences. But I was so sure you were going to react at some point. I constantly tried to remind myself that you loved me, and that you were going to realize something was wrong. But you didn’t, Lin. We haven’t gone on a date in a year and a half, but I kept silent because I didn’t want to be a burden. You were under enough stress already. Do you seriously think you’re the only one who’s had to make sacrifices ? I’ve had to go to bed alone every night for four months, Lin,  _ four months _ , because you were incapable of coming home at a reasonable hour, not even once. You spent the night at the station five different times without giving me a call !”

Lin tried desperately to defend herself : “I thought you knew by now that if I didn’t come home it just meant I’m overworked ! I didn’t think about giving you a call !”

Kya widened her eyes at Lin, apparently barely believing what she was hearing.

“Are you serious right now ? Lin, you work on the police force ! If you don’t come home I’m just going to assume you died ! How can’t you realize that ? You can’t even tell me when you actually almost die-”

Lin scoffed in disbelief. “Don’t tell me you’re bringing that up again.”

“Obviously I am ! You were bombed, ended up in the hospital, and I didn’t learn about it before I decided to call the station at 3 in the morning and Mako told me ! I looked like the worst girlfriend on earth, not being by your side when you had already been in the hospital for over 13 hours !”

“Stop it !”

Lin couldn’t hear it anymore. Her head was spinning even more than when she had been standing, and it was becoming impossible for her to sort out her thoughts.

She thought back to their fight two weeks before.

She’d come home at past one in the morning, and had expected Kya to already be in bed as she usually was, except Kya was awake and waiting for her on the couch, a dinner that must have been cold for hours sitting on the table. She’d sensed immediately that something was going to go wrong by the way Kya had looked at her, eyes full of resentment. She had never looked at her like that.

Kya had asked about her day, not an ounce of sincerity in her voice, and Lin had answered her question carefully, asking why she wasn’t in bed yet.

“ _ I wasn’t tired.” _

Lin had started to get seriously anxious, and had gone to get a cup of tea before she was stopped dead in her tracks by Kya’s sharp words.

“ _ You’re really not going to apologize, are you ? _ ”

This had been the start of hours of fighting, Kya reproaching things to Lin that stung a little harder each time she said them, while Lin tried to defend herself, eventually retreating behind her walls, walls that she had never let back up with Kya ever since they were together. 

It didn’t stop until around 7 in the morning, where Lin, in the state of exhaustion she was in, had let the words slip without thinking.

“ _ I have to get to work. _ ”

Kya had looked at utter in utter disbelief, tears building up in her eyes again, before getting up to go collect some of her stuff, put it all in a bag, and leaving without a word, without so much of a look sent Lin’s way. Lin had been way too tired to try and stop her. She’d got up, got ready, and left for work.

Looking back, even Lin had to admit she wishes she hadn’t.

The following two weeks had passed in a blur, Lin being able to function pretty much only due to sheer muscle memory. She avoided thinking about the fight, and she avoided even more the thoughts that told her that Kya wouldn’t come back to her.

She’d let the smallest part of her hope that things would work out when Kya showed up.

But now, when she looked at Kya’s expressionless face looking at the ceiling with silent tears running along her cheeks, she could easily guess that whatever the outcome was, it would probably not be a good one.

“I’m tired, Lin.”

Kya had spoken those words in a small strained voice, and Lin decided that now wasn’t the time to interrupt her. She tried to look at her, but the disappointment in her eyes was too much to handle, and Lin turned her face away again.

“I wish I could stay. But the truth is, I can’t. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t deserve this. And I’m not saying you do, but you didn’t do anything in order for things to get better.”

“Neither did you.” Lin spoke in an exhale. “I thought communication was your thing, but you let things get worse and worse for over a year without confronting me about it. Were you hoping for this to fail ?”

“You know that’s not it. The last thing I wanted was for us to drift apart, and I admit I also have to take responsibility for this, because it’s not all your fault. But you have to realize that, for a while, I thought you were losing feelings. I thought you were throwing yourself into work because you didn’t know how to tell me, and I think that I tried to delay that by not confronting you about it. I’m sorry. But it’s a bit late for that.” She looked so sad in that moment that Lin could feel the guilt starting to eat away at her.

“I can try to change. You know I’m capable of doing so, I’ve done it before. I-”

“Yes, I do know that Lin.” Kya cut her off. “But I also know that I’ve accumulated way too much resentment towards you, and I don’t think I’ll be able to ignore that. And it wouldn’t be fair for either of us to try again when I know it’s not going to work.”

Lin looked at Kya with a mix of disbelief and desperation. She couldn’t believe what was happening.

_ This can’t be it. This can’t end like that. _

Kya looked utterly heartbroken to say those words to Lin, and Lin was sure she looked pretty much the same listening to them.

_ Why are you doing this if it hurts you so much ? _

Lin couldn’t contain another sob.

_ Please don’t leave me. I can’t be without you. _

They stayed there, crying and looking into each other’s eyes for what felt like hours.

Kya finally stood up on shaking legs, heart wrenching sobs leaving her body as she started to walk towards the door.

Lin, in a last attempt to make her stay, grabbed her hand as she walked past her, and held it to her chest tightly.

“Don’t leave me.”

Kya’s sobs only grew louder as she threw her arms around Lin and buried her face in her neck. 

They held onto each other, grabbing each other’s clothes so tightly Lin heard the sound of fabric stretching.

This felt too much like a goodbye. It made Lin nauseous.

She attempted to grab at Kya again when she finally pulled away, but the latter didn’t let her. She was still crying, but more silently that she had been before, and Lin saw resolve on her face as she reached out to brush Lin’s tears off her face. 

She put a tender kiss on her forehead.

Pulled away completely.

Walked to the door.

“I love you, Lin.”

And she was gone.

Lin couldn’t bring herself to stop crying, and neither could she bring herself to move.

Some twisted irony made it so she didn’t go to work the next day.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope it was still enjoyable haha
> 
> (Excuse any language mistake I might’ve made)


End file.
